I blame the crows. As I locked up my car at the park and ride, they looked down at me from their perch on the telephone wire with such distain.
“Oh, what a busy human, so self-important. Has to go to work…”
I could no longer stand the monotony. Peeling off of the 6 AM ferry was a Hostess snack cake delivery truck. I have never been very stealthy, but somehow, I managed to summersault across the highway and jump onto the back of the truck like a ninja.
Quickly and carefully, I unlatched the back door and hopped inside.
It was high fructose corn syrup heaven.
I took my swiss army knife from my commuter back pack (standard issue) and ripped into the first box. Twinkies. Delicious, but not what I was looking for. I tore open the next box. Suzy Q’s. Damn. The next three boxes I opened were filled with Ding Dongs, Snoballs and Zingers. But where were the classic cupcakes?
I channeled my inner Zen master. “If I were a Hostess Cupcake, where would I be in this delivery truck?”
I must have been extra tuned into the universe, because immediately, I found myself transported INSIDE a human-sized Hostess Cupcake.
There were no two ways about it, I was going to have to eat my way out of this cupcake.
First, I punched a hole through creamy filling and the outer chocolate cake layer. I had to be able to breathe. Initially, I started taking dainty bites of the creamy epicenter that held me. Then I just went hog wild. I attacked eating that cupcake with such fervor, I had demolished the entire thing in just under 6 minutes.
Full to bursting with snack cake-y goodness, I fell to the ground, frosted with chocolate crumbs.
What a fantastic way to start the day.